Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Lancelot Dies Awaiting Lung Transplant

So, Robert Goulet is dead. I will miss two things about Robert Goulet. I will miss the Emerald Nits commercials. I doubt we'll see those any more and they were brilliant. And I will miss telling one of my favorite jokes. I heard it from Buster Poindexter one night on Letterman:

I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to do a Broadway show. I checked "Back Stage" looking for auditions but there wasn't much. "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom," but I did that schtick back in the 70s. Then I saw an ad that said "Second male lead needed for hot new Broadway musical." I thought "great! That's me!" The audition was the very next day at 8am. Well, I had a show to do that night, and the last set finished at one. Then I went to an after hours club until about four. Then I went out with some of the guys for some food. I got in about five o'clock and caught two hours sleep. I got up at seven and I looked like hell. So real quick I showered, shaved, put a little Preparation H under each eye--the old Detroit eye tuck, and headed out. When I got there I walked in and the guy running the casting--who turned out to be the producer--looked at me and said "You're just what we're looking for! You got the job!"

I said "That sounds cool but tell me more about the show. You say it's a hot new musical: who wrote it?"

He said "Sondheim."

I said "Steven Sondheim?"

"No, Bernie Sondheim. He plays in a piano bar down in the village but he's been working on this thing for years and it's really good."

"Ok," I said, "Who's the director?"

He said "Nichols."

I said "Mike Nichols?"

He said "No. Murry Nichols. He's been doing dinner theatre down in Florida for years. You're gonna love him."

"Allright," I said, "Who's the choreographer?"

He said "Tharp."

I said "Twyla Tharp?"

He said "No, Sheila Tharp. She's a flash dancer over in Queens but this is her big break and she's gonna be great."

Then I said "Ok: you say I'm the second male lead. Who's the first male lead?"

He said "Goulet."

I said "Robert Goulet?"

He said "Yeah."


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