Lancelot Dies Awaiting Lung Transplant
So, Robert Goulet is dead. I will miss two things about Robert Goulet. I will miss the Emerald Nits commercials. I doubt we'll see those any more and they were brilliant. And I will miss telling one of my favorite jokes. I heard it from Buster Poindexter one night on Letterman:
I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to do a Broadway show. I checked "Back Stage" looking for auditions but there wasn't much. "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom," but I did that schtick back in the 70s. Then I saw an ad that said "Second male lead needed for hot new Broadway musical." I thought "great! That's me!" The audition was the very next day at 8am. Well, I had a show to do that night, and the last set finished at one. Then I went to an after hours club until about four. Then I went out with some of the guys for some food. I got in about five o'clock and caught two hours sleep. I got up at seven and I looked like hell. So real quick I showered, shaved, put a little Preparation H under each eye--the old Detroit eye tuck, and headed out. When I got there I walked in and the guy running the casting--who turned out to be the producer--looked at me and said "You're just what we're looking for! You got the job!"
I said "That sounds cool but tell me more about the show. You say it's a hot new musical: who wrote it?"
He said "Sondheim."
I said "Steven Sondheim?"
"No, Bernie Sondheim. He plays in a piano bar down in the village but he's been working on this thing for years and it's really good."
"Ok," I said, "Who's the director?"
He said "Nichols."
I said "Mike Nichols?"
He said "No. Murry Nichols. He's been doing dinner theatre down in Florida for years. You're gonna love him."
"Allright," I said, "Who's the choreographer?"
He said "Tharp."
I said "Twyla Tharp?"
He said "No, Sheila Tharp. She's a flash dancer over in Queens but this is her big break and she's gonna be great."
Then I said "Ok: you say I'm the second male lead. Who's the first male lead?"
He said "Goulet."
I said "Robert Goulet?"
He said "Yeah."